The Sinful Seminar
by Temptest In A Teacup
Summary: House and Cuddy attend an unexpected conference. Cliche concepts, original aspects. Rated T for mild crude themes. Read and Review!


_Author's note: This came to me in a dream... well it came to me at night. Baby Rachel isn't around at this time. Just go along with the corny jokes. :)_

_Disclaimer: I did own House M.D., Spongebob, and even some of you readers. Alas, my demise came at last night's poker game. ***Sob*** I lost you all to David Shore!_

------H------

4:30pm Wednesday- Cuddy's office

"You're going, House"

"No I'm not! You're not the boss of me!"

"Actually, I am."

House and Cuddy were butting heads once again. Fliers adorned the desk of the Dean of Medicine in Princeton Plainsborough Teaching Hospital, speaking of the conference in New York.

"I gave you an ultimatum a week ago. Either you complete all of your clinic hours or you attend the conference with me!"shouted Cuddy . "We never had that conversation!" insisted House.

"Oh don't you try to weasel your way out of this one. Last Wednesday, you were watching that _Prescription Passion _crap, and THEN I told you!"she screamed.

"See that's the problem. I was watching my soaps!" whined House.

She flashed him a coy smile. "OK House, but tomorrow I expect Wilson to be watching over the hospital. I expect the diagnostic team to be diagnosing a patient, instead of finishing YOUR clinic hours. And I expect your ass in my car by 8:30."

------H------

9:45am Thursday- Cuddy's car

"You're late, House." Cuddy was fuming with a death grip on the steering wheel. "I'm sorry there was a little kitty stuck in a tree and the firefighter guy was in a wheelchair -ironic, right- so I had to climb the tree to rescue Fluffy."he teased.

"This is not a game ,House. You will not annoy me at the conference, hell you won't even acknowledge me. You will sit there and pay attention to the speakers." Cuddy stipulated.  
"Alright, god, no need to be so assertive." House fussed with his seatbelt. "Onward ,Cuddy-bunches-of-oats."

"House, I do plan on killing you. Just to let you know." Cuddy threatened.

"Oh, I'm counting on it."he said with a grin.

------H-------

10:10am

He made a rhythmic tapping noise with his cane. "House, House, Greggory House. House, House Greggory House. Lisa Cuddy. House Greggory House, Singin' a song, all day long to the Conference!" he caroled.

"Is that really necessary?" she asked.

"You know Partypants, you've become quite the constant downer. You should try getting laid more often." House suggested. A firm slap on the cheek was her response.

"I'm telling Wilson!"he whined.

"House and Cuddy." he sang "Cuddy and House. Ba-da-ba-da-dum. House and Cuddy. Cuddy and House! House and Cuddy. Cuddy and that sexy doctor House! La-la-la-la-la-la-dum-ba-da!"

"The Max and Ruby theme song? Seriously?" she asked.

-8 minutes later-

"Cuddy?"

"Hmm, what?"

"Do you want to know your stripper name?" House asked, with a dead serious expression.

"If I say yes, will you shut up?"

"I have it on my iPod. See it says Candy Glittercheeks." In utter disbelief she grabbed the device from his hands.

"You typed in "Lisa House"." she pointed out.

"So? What's your point?"

With a faint smile she continued driving.

------H------

-An hour later-

"It should be right around here." she said as she tried to maneuver the streets.

"What is this thing for anyway?" he asked.

"Some new equipment that they're testing, budgets, and stuff like that." Cuddy answered ,distracted.

She finally parked the car.

As she was about to get out, he said "Now, Cuddy, there's good news and there's bad news. The good news is that we made it here without murdering one another." he told her.

"What's the bad news?" she probed

"Oh. I _am _the bad news!" He gave her a sexy lopsided smile. She groaned.

They made their way through security and stopped in front of Room 374. There was a note on the door:

_Conference rescheduled due to an outbreak of food poisoning. Alternate assembly in Room 376. Sorry for the inconvenience._

"Whooo! I'm off the hook! Come on Cuddle-bug back to New Jersey. I'm sure Wilson is waiting for us."House practically jumped for joy. Jumped. Hmm, that was a poor choice of words.

"No. No! I practically drove two hours listening to YOU. I came here for a meeting, and thats EXACTLY what we're going to do!!" Cuddy shouted. Her cheeks were flushed and pink ,she was breathing heavily and looked cutely disheveled. House smirked. "Fine, partypooper." he encircled her wrist with his long fingers as they walked off to to Room 376.

------H------

In the Conference Room

"Wow" he said " It's pretty packed in here."

Suddenly, Cuddy burst into hysterics. "Oh my god! This is perfect and hilarious! Perfectly Hilarious!!" she exclaimed while gasping for breath.

"What the hell are you talking about?"he asked. She just pointed to the sign and laughed. It read: _Sexual Harassment at the Workplace: Don't Let It Happen To you! _

House's eyes went as big as saucers in incredulity. Cuddy tugged on his sleeve and led him to two empty seats in the back, still giggling ferociously.

------H------

"Now, many colleagues at your job may be single. However, this is no excuse for inappropriate behavior. We'll first start off with the basics. Good touching vs. bad touching." drawled on Dr. Gallo.

House leaned over to Cuddy. "Is he going to warn us about 'Stranger Danger' as well?" he teased. She chuckled. "Come on, House. This has to be the most beneficial conferences we've ever gone to."

"What about that conference we went to a few years ago. The one where we stayed overnight. That arrangement benefited us quite well, don't you think."he offered. However, a sharp kick to his shins silenced the rest of his thoughts.

"A good touch would be platonic. For example, a pat on the shoulder. A bad touch would be grasping the buttock of an employee. Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable is probably a bad touch."

House raised his hand. "What if you stare at the buttock for a considerable amount of time?"

Dr. Gallo cleared his throat. "Well if the other person says something then the person staring should stop."

House inched closer to Cuddy. "See, you never complained. You like it."

"I won't even dignify that with an answer."she rolled her eyes.

-20 minutes later-

"I am well aware that sometimes we get carried away, but we have to pay attention to what we say to others." he continued.

Cuddy was trying to pay attention, ignoring the fact that House was dangerously close to her. So, she did the only logical thing she could in the situation. Cuddy boldly raised her hand.

"As much as I try to control my hospital, there is always this pesky employee of mine who has a terrible habit of making crude comments. He says it's because he hasn't had any action in ages and he's lonely and miserable. But I would like your advice on what to do."

"Well", Dr. Gallo started off, "Honestly, if I were in your position I would seriously consider severe punishment."

House tilted himself closer to Cuddy. "Oh but he's our best doctor. Oh, we'd be nothing without him. Oh, I keep trying to deny my attraction to him, so I keep him around until I work up the nerve to do something about it!" he whispered.

"Are you mocking me ,House?" Cuddy asked with her eyebrows raised.

"Huh, no I'm just planning your rebuttal. It seems you aren't wearing your thinking thong today" He said with a mocking tone.

-30 minutes later-

"Holy shit. I can't believe this." House said in a hushed voice.

"What? What is it?" she whispered.

"Dr. Gallo's going hard." he told her.

"What are you talking about?"

"I think he's getting aroused by his own speech. Didn't you notice?" he explained.

Incredulously she shifted her gaze to land on the doctor's crotch. Sure enough, Dr. Gallo had an erection that, by the looks of it could poke somebody's eye out.

"House, I could have lived my whole life without ever knowing that." she cried out.

Soon, everyone in the room began stood up, walked around, and conversed. "I think the intermission has finally arrived." Cuddy observed. She was about to stand up and get some coffee for the both of them.

"Where do you think you're going?" asked House in a husky voice. His hands were sliding up Cuddy's leg, pushing up the fabric of her skirt as he went.

She shiverd and shakily replied "I'm pretty sure this is a bad touch Dr. House."

"Aww but it feels oh so good Dr. Cuddy." he murmured. Suddenly he removed his hand and smirked at her.

"Tease." she muttered. House chuckled. "Yeah, I knew you liked it."

A/N: I made a few references to the Potter Puppet Pals (Mysterious Ticking Noise) and Max and Ruby.


End file.
